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And they're not even scholastically related...

I don't even know what the Hell this asshole's name is... probably just "asshole"

10. If you are going to be in my room in only your boxers, could you at least have the decency to answer when I knock on the door? Seriously. I walked straight in there, almost turned around and walked out, then told myself "you know what? Fuck that. This is my room. If he finds it embarrassing he can GO HOME"

9. PUT THE SEAT DOWN. Do you even think at any point during your daily life?? You are visiting a girl's suite... none of us need the seat up... in fact, it's actually a serious inconvenience when you really, really have to pee. I mean, COME ON. Even my brothers don't leave the seat up!

8. Turn the volume down. Honestly, I can hear it from the hallway. The suitemates agree - it is too loud.

7. So are you!!! Please develop an indoors voice. And, please, try not to make so many freaking exclamations. Are you really that unaware of what might happen in football, movies, or other events? Also, do you realize how one-sided your conversations are with your girlfriend? It's probably the only reason I haven't gone apeshit on the both of you - she's so quiet.

6. I know you're not likely to have any control over this, but you snore. It cuts into my sleeping. The other night I had a dream where a really dorky boy asked me out and he snorted all the time. When I woke up, I realised why.

5. Have the decency to not freaking hanky-panky when the two of you are NOT ALONE! Honestly, you cut through my ambien. I wanted to slit your throat last night.

4. Furthermore, our shower is not the love shack. I don't need to hear my roommate choking on you while the two of you take up the bathroom for an hour and a half.

3. Still on the shower related note, THIS IS NOT A HOTEL. Yeah, those L'oreal soaps? THEY'RE MINE. SO IS THAT "PURPLE CONDITIONER" YOU JUST WASTED. You are so lucky you are not caucasion, because you would've found out that that was a tinted mixture I made for myself.

2. STOP calling EVERY DAY at 4pm, 10 PM, 11PM, and, on occasion, 1 AM. Nothing could possibly be that important. Or, if it is, the two of you need to buy yourselves some cheap cell phone plans.

1. Would it be possible that you could partially reimburse me for my dorming fees? I was unaware I was assigned to a mixed gender triple. OH WAIT. I WASN'T. I PAY $3,000 to live here. How much are you paying? Could you even pay for it? Do you even have some sort of legit job? DO YOU EVEN DO ANYTHING WITH YOUR LIFE?

So, Basically, if you cannot abide by these, promptly move out and never show your fat face around here.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
trishpip
Nov. 23rd, 2009 12:05 pm (UTC)
Ah jeez... it sounds like you need to have a small talk with your roommate, if you can do it when her bf is not around, and ask her to try to be respectful of the fact that this is your room as well. Let her talk to the bf. Would have been funny if he ended up with bluish colored hair from your conditioner.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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